Life gave me lemonade

So I'd like to take a moment to recognize the good things in life right now that have recently improved. By no means does this mean I am not looking forward to coming home in two weeks. Cause I can't wait. But to get the most out of life now and stay positive...

My lemonade:

• The weather has been REALLY hot here recently. The weather report says high of 90 with 81% humidity. I have no air conditioning and the fan doesn't do a whole lot to change the temperature, though the breeze makes it more bearable. However, I am thankful for the heat cause its a great exercise motivator. Afterall, if I am gonna sweat 24/7, I'd rather do it outside in the breeze.
• La bombilla that was broken somehow got fixed. Which means that I can sometimes switch from buckets to a little trickle of water from the pipe above. Since the water from the bombilla comes from the roof (I guess), the water gets heated up by the sun and comes out luke-warm or even warm. Of course, ironically, I am now usually ready for a cold shower, but the ability to switch between cold buckets and warm trickles is heavenly.
• I still don't have a friend all my own here. The closest thing is my brother and co-worker David who actually takes time to talk to me. Other than that I often feel like a little duck just following the family or employees around. And if I stray from the path, they freak out. The lemonade? Lindsay Garber. American friend and adventure partner. You just can't ride back from the beach in a huge truck with 30 Red Cross volunteers with anyone else. So weekends are always fun, which provides an amazing incentive to keep going through the week.
• Work picked up. I actually had enough to do for 8 hours of the day. (Pray for more cause I just finished it all, lol. I guess the Dominicans just can't keep up with me, even when I feel like I only work half the day.)
• An American came yesterday! I got to eat lunch with him and learn about his family company and just enjoy speaking english while meeting someone new. What a blessing!

The lemons I'm still trying to squeeze into lemonade:

• I am getting really tired of living with 8+ people, especially since there are only 4 who technically live in the house. Example: Before my walk yesterday, I had to wait to use our one bathroom cause my brother Fran (who lives elsewhere), was showering. When I came back, I couldn't take a shower cause my sister Chris (who lives elsewhere) was showering. Then to take a shower, I had to fill up the bucket, carting water in from outside. And of course, my nephews (who live elsewhere) were running around and crying and screaming and I had to dodge them to get the bucket into the bathroom. Then I couldn't watch t.v. cause my brother-in-law Robert (who lives elsewhere) was watching t.v. Get the picture?
• Boredom and loneliness. I am surrounded by people, but that mainly just means I get about 15 "how are yous" everyday. Books are not enticing, tv is lame and you can't walk past 8pm cause it gets dark.
• People here seem to have a lot of fears, which wouldn't really bother me except that they transfer all their fears into protection of me. My mom told me right when we were about to leave for the beach on Saturday morning that we couldn't go alone cause there were drugs in Miches and an American was killed there once (though she knew of our plan to leave last Wednesday and didn't think of it until Saturday is beyond me). So then I had to go talk to David, who said "What? It's not too dangerous!" Luckily he agreed to vouch for us so we could escape the oppression. Marina (mom) is also scared of holes in the sidewalk and always yells at me to watch out. I went to a church event with her and found this one guy Wilkens who is the closest thing to an independent friend although I only ever see him at church, and we sat off on the side with some other young teenage girls. And Marina sent Chris to find me. The 19-year-old pregnant girl was sent to find me! The one that cracks me up the most: today I woke up from a nap and walked out to go to work and Marina yells "Careful. Wait a couple minutes so your eyes can adjust and you can loose the heat from the bed." Luckily Chris was there to vouch that I had been awake for more than a minute and could actually walk on my own two feet the 3 blocks to work. Unbelievable. I'm surprised they don't have me chained to their house. How did I ever live the past 4 years on my own?!?!?!

The circles of life

I´ve noticed that most of my blog is about my experiences and the cultural differences here. It´s high time I really let you know the thoughts rolling around in my head and the overall nature of life down here.

There are two main circles of life that I´m learning about here: poverty and microfinance. First, the circle of poverty (more often referred to as a trap). Its amazing the things we take for granted, and I´m not just talking materially. There is a huge lack of education here, not necessarily book smart, but life smarts. Unfortunately sickness and poverty thrive on and contribute to the lack of education. Here poverty is characterized by little education, lots of kids, petty jobs, small houses, few material posessions, frequent sickness, domestic violence, the works. And the problem is that they are all inter-related. You could talk about root causes for years here and never figure it out. You need money to get an education, you need an education to get a good job to get money. You need kids to help support the family, you need less kids to be able to provide a good education for them. You need medicine to keep from getting sick, you need to stay healthy to earn money to buy the medicine. Its a hard-knock life.

Second circle of life is microfinance, which is best described as a system of incentives and consequences. Esperanza International uses the solidarity microloan model in which a group of 5 people is given a small loan amount (usually ranging from $50 -$200) and are responsible for repaying the loan together. The groups are then put together into Banks of Hope for a total of up to 40 people. If the group cant repay their loan, the bank steps in to pay. They pay an interest rate of 4% each month, and make a payment every 14 days (2% every two weeks). The payment has 4 components: capital (paying off the loan), interest, insurance (in case of emergencies, like someone in the group dying -sadly, it happens), and savings. The savings component is broken into two parts: mandatory and voluntary. Each meeting or reunion every two weeks allows for the group to collect their money, give it to their loan officer, pray, refresh their commitment and hear a little lesson about a variety of topics including Hep B, papsmears, forgiveness, etc. The loans act primarily to protect the vulnerability of the associates. If you have more capital to buy more chicken, then you can sell more chicken, and you can make more money. That money allows you to not only provide for you family but also to stay afloat in times of trouble, such as having to take care of a sick child and missing a few days of work. Those normal struggles would generally have a devastating impact on their lives, but with the loan, they have a better chance of pulling through.

This second circle is meant to combat the first one. There are built-in incentives/consequences to repay your loan cause otherwise you have some unhappy neighbors on your hands who know where you live. Also, when you successfully repay a loan with good attendance, you are eligible for a even larger loan. Many people here are on their 5th or 6th loans already. The loans only stop when they fail to uphold their end of the bargain or when they get rich enough to qualify for a commercial bank loan. They learn to be in community with one another, to help each other, to save money (a rare concept here) and to be held responsible in their commitments. Microfinance is the best way, in my opinion, to serve the middle and upper poor. (Extreme poor just need flat out donations cause the situation is too desperate and the poverty trap is too suffocating).

However, the circle of poverty doesn´t always react in a predictable way to the circle of microfinance. While the incentives and consequences are there and should work, they don´t sometimes. The best way I can rationalize why is to think of children. When kids are taught at home to be respectful and polite, educating them at school is easy. But if that groundwork isn´t set, teaching becomes much more complicated because you are now trying to each too much all at once. Different poor people have different groundwork. And then, even the groundwork can fail them. Afterall, its not as if the rich, well-educated people are always responsible. People aren´t machines and can´t be predicted. That´s the fun and the frustration of it all.

It´s easy to rationalize it away, saying the poor are too lazy, too dumb, too set in their ways to get out of poverty. However, the many many success stories here prove otherwise. Working in microfinance requires patience, mercy and lots and lots of hope. You have to get your hands dirty, you have to actually build relationships with the poor. But when you do, great things can happen. It all hinges on your view of the poor. The first step is to recognize the dignity and value of every person. Afterall, how is it that I was born as me and not as one of these Haitian children? Different circumstances doesn´t mean different values. Every person was made with a purpose. The greatest gift you can give to a person is to help them find that purpose. Some people just have more barriers to get through. It´s really hard to be patient while trying to find the break in the negative circle of poverty that will catapult the person into the positive circle of microfinance. But well worth it.

Not my shoes

The phrase "walking a mile in your shoes" takes on a whole new meaning here. I've just returned from the states (I went home for a week and a half because my grandpa passed away) and am in a weird state of shock. The trip home was revealing in many ways. Obviously, the comparison between life here and life there is mind-boggling. Also in my travels, I got a chance to see Santo Domingo (the capital and biggest city here) in a whole new light. The biggest revelation: I'm not working with the poor, I'm living with them.

I don't know why I didn't realize it sooner. Yet telling people in Santo Domingo about my experiences in El Seibo and seeing their wide-eyed, disbelieving reactions gave me proof that my life here is not what they live. It's one thing to to not fit in because I'm used to American life and completely another to not fit in because I'm in rural poverty. I could very easily live and work in Santo Domingo. And that's comforting and depressing at the same time.

It's one thing to watch someone walk in their own shoes and totally another to wear the shoes yourself. Its hard and yet I feel like a freak for finding it hard because they get by wearing their own shoes all the time. The problem is that you just naturally get blisters, sore feet and aches when wearing anothers shoes. It's just comforting to realize the reason your feet hurt so bad is because they are not your own and the difficulties are totally to be expected.

I'd be lying if I said my time here so far has been easy, fun, comfortable, busy and purposeful. Yet I'd also be lying if I said its not been worthwhile, purpose-less, empty, lonely and unfulfilling. The truth lies somewhere in the middle, though I can't seem to pinpoint exactly where. Depending on the hour of the day, the needle of my emotional pendulum could be anywhere within the spectrum.

The one truth I can truly cling to here is that God is with me and I'm in His hands. I know that sounds cliche, but there is a good reason for its repetition. Everytime I get to the far, negative end of the pendulum, God shoves me back the other way and gives me hope and encouragement. I could give you countless examples. I was not really looking forward to coming back to the DR (to be bluntly honest) and now that I'm back it just feels right. Last night I couldn't fall asleep cause I kept thinking of all the things I can do here. (The Santo Domingo trip also gave me a chance to talk with Tricia, the coordinator, to figure out that life really should be busier than it has been and ways that we can get it up to speed). I've never been much of a baseball fan, but since I'm in the DR, I can't help but say it... I've put on a rally cap and am determined to go all out this last month.

Observations II

• Avoid all things made with harina de maiz- which translates to corn flour (not exactly sure if that's actually what it is). They make oatmeal out of it, balls of corn flour (called bolas) and other "treats."
• Towels will smell moldy after a month of use, even when washed and hung on the line to dry. Just don't breath in when you dry your face.
• It gets even hotter here in July and the rains come less often to cool life down.
• There are different kinds of mosquites. Some that make puffy, itchy, pink bites and some that make red target-looking bites that don't itch.
• People here make a grunting/sucking noise in the back of their throats. And it drives me nuts.
• After a while, you forget you're white. It keeps surprising me to look at photos. I can see my arms and legs but somehow I keep thinking my face is darker.Being in the Dominican Republic does NOT mean that you will automatically get tan.
• People here don't understand exercise and very few do it. They also don't seem to understand the phrase "everything in moderation." In many ways, I'm surprised they are not all fatter.
• Kids learn at young ages here to make kissy faces at gringas and throw their trash wherever. It's disturbing.
• You'd be surprised by what you can transport using a motorcycle. Boxes of fruit, 10 foot long rebar and, oh yeah, propane tanks.
• People here wear clothes from the US. Often shirts have frases in English which they can't understand but makes it fun for me. Examples: college chick, I hate everyone, UCLA, Utah, Relay for Life, etc. Unfortunately, much of the clothing looks like its meant for a club rather than a farm and its usually a size or too two small so the women don't look too classy.
• English is everywhere, as are international products. The US has a big influence here and you can see it wherever you look. Frito Lay makes baked salted banana chips here. You can buy Twix and Snickers in certain little shops. They have brands here like Polo, Lacoste, Rayban, etc (though not the real deal). Our TV channels are just dubbed over. Yet interestingly enough, religion has not been cut out of daily life like it has in the states and even public transportation has bumper stickers like "Cristo viene" (Christ is coming). For an example of all these characteristics, check out this bus I saw- New York Yankees stickers (they love baseball here since some of our best players are Dominican) and a Christian phrase on a Hyundai. Talk about a flat world.

Americanos, mangos and rios

First let me say, it can feel really lonely being here because my american peeps only know my american life and my dominican peeps only know my dominican life. And both types of life are completely opposite. So I have to say the biggest blessing in my life right now is Lindsey Garber. If you haven´t read her blog yet, you should, cause it has a lot of what mine is missing. People here think we´ve been lifelong friends, but we only knew each other in the states for 2 days. Its amazing how shared experiences makes two people so close.

Thankfully, Lindsey was able to visit this weekend. And with two american girls, the dominicans step up the action. Past weekends were filled with movies (albeit halves of movies, lol) and reading and sleeping (aka very boring.) For the first time in a month, I actually felt semi-busy. Hooray!

Friday, Lindsey and I met up with a Hope Vision Trip that had come to the DR to see what Esperanza is doing here. I have never been so excited to get up before 6am. I caught a bus to Hato Mayor, met up with Lindsey and caught the next bus to San Pedro. From there the Americanos picked us up to visit a Bank of Hope meeting in La Romana. Besides the extra travel, not to different from a normal morning. The difference was the company. When I got home that night, I realized my throat hurt. It was the first time I had been able to talk all day long in a long time. It felt so good to be needed to translate and answer questions. And it was renewing to realize that I had been learning a lot here and speaking spanish well, when most of the time I feel somewhat useless and stupid.

After lunch at the office in San Pedro, we got to go to Milan´s school. Milan is the biggest success story of Esperanza who started with a loan to grow a business decorating furniture in her house. She noticed lots of kids fighting in the streets and with her extra income was able to provide them with food and lessons in her home. Pretty soon, parents from all over were sending kids to Milan for school and food. The group grew to over 200 kids, a 100 at a time seated on the floor of her house. So she prayed for help and got a new location. Growth continued. Prayed again and got a school building built. The cool part was that the community was able to get involved. They asked the parents to contribute labor, food, construction materials, whatever they could to help out. The building was literally built with the love and help of the community. Many of the kids at this school (boys and girls) have been sexually abused, as well as physically and mentally. This is the only place they can go and feel safe and loved and home. Milan told me she can see a marked difference in the children that enter and the children that are now in 5th grade. She likes to say she helped them trade in their weapons for pencils and pens.

That night when we got back to El Seibo, Lindsey and I got to go to a surprise bday party for my brother Fran (Francisco). The women took the opportunity to teach us how to dance merengue, which was a blast. The party, sadly, was much more fun and lively than the wedding. Go figure.

Saturday we went to the river with my family and the family of my sister-in-law Isabel. There are few things more wonderful that sitting in warm water on a cool day eating a mango. Afterwards we came back and went for a walk to get pizza and cake in the center of El Seibo. I can´t tell you how good it was to be independent. It was the first meal I had eaten out of the house in over 3 weeks. We only walked for about an hour total, but it was the most I had exercised so far here. And the pizza was delicious (although much sweeter, which I should have expected when considering the ridiculous amounts of sugar they put in everything here).

(Yes, its weird, people go in the river in regular clothes here.)

Church was even more bearable with Lindsey there. Though the sermon took foooorrrreeevvverrr, we laughed our way through it. Don´t ever try to demonstrate all the spiritual gifts/talents God gives us... 24 is way too many for one sermon (especially when each one takes over 3 minutes- and yes, I was timing it).

You´d think one amazing trip to the rio would be enough, but luckily it didn´t stop there. Sunday we went with a group of coworkers and their families from the office here to a house out in the country. Lindsey and I taught the dominicanos some American card games, we played baseball in the street, cooked/ate lunch, played dominoes and then headed down to the river. (Side note: the chickens running around in the yard kept eating the pieces of chicken bones that we tossed to the dog, which really freaked me out. If I come home with some weird unknown sickness, check for mad-chicken disease).

Once again, we had mangos in the river and just hung out. The Dominicans don´t ever seem to do an activity very long, at least not the really fun ones (I don´t count just sitting around as an activity) so an hour or two later we packed up to head home. I nearly cried when Lindsey left for Hato Mayor because it felt like the end of an era. I´m now waiting with great anticipation for my chance to visit her this weekend and go to the pool. We figure we have to get more tan or none of you will believe we were here for 2.5 months!