Not my shoes

The phrase "walking a mile in your shoes" takes on a whole new meaning here. I've just returned from the states (I went home for a week and a half because my grandpa passed away) and am in a weird state of shock. The trip home was revealing in many ways. Obviously, the comparison between life here and life there is mind-boggling. Also in my travels, I got a chance to see Santo Domingo (the capital and biggest city here) in a whole new light. The biggest revelation: I'm not working with the poor, I'm living with them.

I don't know why I didn't realize it sooner. Yet telling people in Santo Domingo about my experiences in El Seibo and seeing their wide-eyed, disbelieving reactions gave me proof that my life here is not what they live. It's one thing to to not fit in because I'm used to American life and completely another to not fit in because I'm in rural poverty. I could very easily live and work in Santo Domingo. And that's comforting and depressing at the same time.

It's one thing to watch someone walk in their own shoes and totally another to wear the shoes yourself. Its hard and yet I feel like a freak for finding it hard because they get by wearing their own shoes all the time. The problem is that you just naturally get blisters, sore feet and aches when wearing anothers shoes. It's just comforting to realize the reason your feet hurt so bad is because they are not your own and the difficulties are totally to be expected.

I'd be lying if I said my time here so far has been easy, fun, comfortable, busy and purposeful. Yet I'd also be lying if I said its not been worthwhile, purpose-less, empty, lonely and unfulfilling. The truth lies somewhere in the middle, though I can't seem to pinpoint exactly where. Depending on the hour of the day, the needle of my emotional pendulum could be anywhere within the spectrum.

The one truth I can truly cling to here is that God is with me and I'm in His hands. I know that sounds cliche, but there is a good reason for its repetition. Everytime I get to the far, negative end of the pendulum, God shoves me back the other way and gives me hope and encouragement. I could give you countless examples. I was not really looking forward to coming back to the DR (to be bluntly honest) and now that I'm back it just feels right. Last night I couldn't fall asleep cause I kept thinking of all the things I can do here. (The Santo Domingo trip also gave me a chance to talk with Tricia, the coordinator, to figure out that life really should be busier than it has been and ways that we can get it up to speed). I've never been much of a baseball fan, but since I'm in the DR, I can't help but say it... I've put on a rally cap and am determined to go all out this last month.